These Hilarious Signs Prove Why You Don’t Mess With Texas

Signs have been used as a form of communication for thousands of years. Some are there to give readers advice – others a warning. However, the warnings on some signs in Texas are sure to crack a few laughs! As if the threat of being killed isn’t enough to keep you at bay! We can’t think of anything worse than suffering and death! We suppose that sometimes going the extra mile is worthwhile to ensure that nobody touches your stuff! Best to stay away.

Questions like this have made humans think about life, death and our existence for thousands of years. The great mystery at the end of life is one that haunts some and gives others assurance, but regardless of which side of the argument you’re on, most of us would like to spend a little extra time on Earth while we can. If you’re looking for the answer, it seems as though these people are willing to help you out!

These days it’s not uncommon for us to hear about lawsuits being filed left, right, and center. Someone spills a hot drink on you? Sue! Your car gets bumped? Sue! So companies have started to take extra precautions to avoid these lengthy and costly lawsuits and stay out of trouble. This sign is a perfect example of how you can keep people safe while protecting yourself legally at the same time. Who said lawyers don’t have a sense of humor?

When you know you’re gonna be locked up for a long time, it’s probably a good idea to downsize. After all, what’s the point in paying for a house or apartment if you’re not gonna be living there. If you ever find yourself in the same situation, follow in this Texan’s footsteps and sell all of your stuff in a jail sale before you get shut in the slammer. As he discovered post-sale, all of that cash wasn’t gonna help him much anyway.

Sometimes logic has a way of flying straight into your face and cutting you to pieces. At least, that’s what this helicopter landing pad found when they repeatedly had visitors walking a little too close to helicopters that were on the verge of taking off. As tragedy inched ever closer to their doorstep, the proprietors decided to go full Texas on the landing pad encroachers. After they put up this sign, they found that locals at least fully understood the danger.

When this Texas bartender realized she spent more of her time listening to girls cry about their exes than actually pouring beer, she knew she needed to do something about it. Rather than try to shirk the responsibility, she suggested to management that they change their sign in order to dig up those old memories. For every patron that decided to come in because of the new sign, management found they didn’t even need the alcohol to begin talking about how awful their ex was.

There’s nothing like vegetables that have come straight from the farm, but it’s clear this country bumpkin wasn’t used to working hard to sell his wares. Though they now have mandatory education all over the country, there was a time when farmers’ children tended to skip out on their lessons to help in the fields. This certainly shows in the farmer’s sign, as he clearly forgot how to spell zucchini, jalapeno, and bell pepper, all of which he spelled the way they sound.

Texans may be polite in the daylight, but give them some whiskey and turn down the lights, and they can be as belligerent as any city dweller. This local watering hole was tired of putting up with bar fights as patrons continuously jostled with one another in order to get the bartender’s attention. When they put up this sign, just to show that they know everyone can be a pain when they’ve had a few too many, life got a lot easier for the bartenders.

With the local population in Texas being what it is, this neon sign seems to be right on the money. What’s more American than Chick-Fil-A? The chicken restaurant with southern Baptist values can be found in almost all 50 states, but just like with everything else that is American, Texas knows that what’s best is what’s biggest. Refusing to be outdone — not even by Georgia, the home state of Chick-Fil-A — Texas actually has more locations than any other state.

We’ve seen pictures of what things look like in Texas, but what we’ve been missing is what if feels like. Thankfully this sign answers all your questions, along with a seasonal calendar. Yes, folks, things are hot in Texas. Northern states have hot and cold, while Texas has hot and hotter. Other places have spring, summer, winter, and autumn, which seems to work out for them very well. Texas, on the other hand, had to come up with a more fitting system: January, summer, summerer, and Christmas.

If you aren’t familiar with it, Laredo is a smaller city located on the banks of the Rio Grande, the river that separates Mexico and the U.S. Because of this factor, much of the local economy is based on the transfer of goods and people over the border with Mexico, which has made its inhabitants very friendly and welcoming. That being said, nighttime temperatures in the winter drop to 40 ℉ and reach up to 90 ℉ in the day.

Bigger is better in Texas, so Texans on principal will make sure things appear as big as they can get them. Heck, there’s so much room there it makes sense to fill it up as much as possible! The town of Alpine, Texas may not have the numbers to compete with even the smaller cities in Texas, such as Laredo, so they pooled together all the numerical data they could get their hands on and combined it. That’s what they call Texan resourcefulness!

While it has become very fashionable to go vegan-friendly, it seems some people in Texas have other, more literal, ideas about the trend. Many people around the world are taking the effort to avoid animal-based products such as cow-produced milk, but this funny sign has got people thinking. Perhaps this so-called “animal-free” soy milk is just simply milk introducing itself in Spanish. As “Soy” means “I am” in Spanish, this sign certainly sees the funny side of the new fad.

This Texas community swimming pool has very strict policies when it comes to what you can and cannot do. While diving and splashing are off the cards, so is peeing. This humorous sign has explained the message in a not so literal way. Perhaps taking out the ‘P’ from ‘Pool’ is a good way of getting the message through to adults, but this wordplay may be a little less obvious to the children who are committing the crime.

Sometimes people seek a new interest, whether it be running, knitting, or so on. However, it seems in Texas there is a new thing that no one has ever tried before. Make your way to Texas and have a go at Psychic Karate! Although it is unclear whether this is two separate signs or you can actually inquire about a Psychic Karate class, we hope it is the latter. Who wouldn’t want to try their hand at having their palm read before attempting a Mae Geri kick on someone?

There is no better selling technique than hitting the customer with the harsh truth. Driving past this sign with her mom in the car, Emma was struck with the harsh reality she had to pull over. For a moment, her teenage years of shoplifting and drunken antics which caused her mom great distress flashed before her eyes and she knew what she had to do. Get those sombreros on and shake the maracas, its time for a margarita (or four, if you’re Emma).

While most speed signs around the world do not look like this, this one is certainly more of an actual representation of the realities of driving in Texas. As most states have strict guidelines of speed limits, it seems the people of Texas like to try and push that boundary, safety aside. Not knowing whether the limit should be 80, 85, or even 90, the state does know one thing for sure – just don’t go above 100! Oh wait, it’s Texas – go for it!

Welcome to Texas, or at least, a part of Texas that considers horses to be a form of livestock. Did we just hide under a rock for five decades and realize that the cowboys of today now eat their horses as well? Oh, how things have changed in these parts. Thankfully though, this is a part of Texas that doesn’t allow farmers to bring their livestock to this particular location. Our optimistic side is telling us that the designer mistook a horse for a cow.

In Texas, there are certain food staples that need to be on every family’s table. This is not just when the weekend comes around, but every single day of the week. In fact, some families will religiously subscribe to the following food model – The Texas Food Pyramid. So apparently, pecan pie and Blue Bell Ice Cream are the most important features of any Texan fridge/freezer. They are even more important than the beloved steak, which is at the very top.

Ever heard of the expression “taking one for the team?” Well, it seems like that is what the wearer of this T-shirt is doing – taking one for the entire team of Austin, Texas. In order to ensure that no one else experiences the pain, turmoil, and sheer boredom of this part of the state, one guy wears this T-shirt every single day, encouraging tourists and people visiting from out of town never to move out to this God-forsaken city.

Driving down the Texas highways gives you a chance to witness an electronic road sign such as this one. They probably just wanted to make sure you are not doing anything silly like driving without your seatbelt on, but the way they did it is just so Texas-like.

This is how they show that they care about road safety, or maybe they are just trying to avoid the extra hassle involved in scraping off what’s left of you.

Americans just love their big, gas-guzzling, cars. This is even truer in Texas, where they just love driving around in huge trucks as the engines roar and the wind beats against the windshield.

But then again, take your foot off the pedal because you are going way past the speed limit. Yes, while your car’s engine happily gulps down gasoline you, on the other hand, are in for an unpleasant surprise if you keep driving like that.

We didn’t quite get it. What do they have against yoga studios and what does that have to do with queso? It seems like Texans just love their Mexican cheese and they just can’t get enough of it. We think they should just call it cheese like the rest of us and be done with it.

Otherwise, why would you insist on the fact that this is absolutely the last stop where you can get queso? Anyway, we don’t recommend you eat cheese before your yoga class though.

Honesty is important, and it seems that folks in Texas share the same opinion. So what if they can’t spell properly? They probably had to work hard on the farm growing cattle and so they didn’t have the time to go to school and get education like other folks.

We’re kidding of course. But, you have to admit that the stereotype does come out a little in this case. We hope the food is indeed as good as they say it is.

Texas is known for its, how should we put it, “unique” attitude towards women, perhaps even slightly chauvinistic. In this case, the owners of this establishment decided that it’s important to let their customers know that they don’t serve women.

Of course this is a joke (we hope). They just wanted to let you know that it is recommended you bring someone along. You know, for the company.

We always thought that Nevada was famous for its countless UFO sightings, but it seems like Texas no longer feels like it should stay behind. On second thought, it seems like Texas does wish to keep a distance from such paranormal phenomenons.

If we were aliens, we would surely stay away from Texas. Just imagine the reaction of a Texan farmer if a UFO just landed one day in their cornfield, destroying some of their crops. We hope those saucers have insurance.

We thought that you can always get a warm welcome in Texas. It seems, however, that the owners of this cafe have a different notion of a “warm welcome”. If you are sorry that you are open, then why bother opening a cafe at all?

No one forced you to open it (we hope). You could have just stayed at home, cooking burgers. Anyway, we guess that if you are here already you might as well just demand your coffee.

Certainly, this is an unusual way to attract customers. Well, we always knew that people in Texas are rather blunt. In fact, judging by this ad, they are perhaps a little too direct to our taste.

They could have been a little more courteous and added a mirror. You know, just in case you want to double-check if you have a few extra clumps of hair here and there.

We don’t know if it’s Christmas time yet, but we definitely got the punny reference. Remember Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? You know, one of Santa’s deers? The one who had a red nose and with whom no wanted to play?

So, Santa made Rudolph lead his sleigh for the evening because Rudolph’s nose shone so brightly and showed the way. This is why none of you should drive lit  — you are not Rudolph.

There is no doubt that Texans have a special way of treating women. This just might be their way of flattering them, an awkward way of flattering them. But, you have to admit that there might be a grain of truth in this matter.

Bobby pins are indeed widely used by women for a variety of purposes. So maybe they weren’t entirely wrong here. After all, what are humans if not a bunch of (supposedly) smart animals?

There are three main things you should know about the Texan diet: the first one is meat, the second one is also meat, and you have also probably guessed the third one by now. So, no wonder you might encounter a message such as this one.

By the looks of it, it seems that Texas isn’t exactly a vegan-friendly state. Also, you have to admit that this joke is quite funny. We hope they serve veggie tacos though.

We weren’t kidding when we said earlier that Texans just love their SUVs — sorry, we meant trucks. There is, apparently, a huge difference between a truck and an SUV. At least, if you are from Texas, there appears to be a difference.

Trucks are usually bigger, stronger, and can drive off-road if necessary. They practically function as all-purpose utility vehicles. SUVs on the other hand, are just a fancy way of showing off daddy’s new car.

It’s no secret that Texas has its own version of English. What we mean is that they speak with a southern accent with a twist. We don’t mean to say that their English is incorrect or anything, just different from the English we are used to.

We wouldn’t be surprised however to hear someone actually speaking like that. No one seems to care about decent grammar anymore. If anything, it looks like good grammar has indeed gone out of the window.

Looks like someone there really wants you to make it home in one piece. In other words, this is the Texas way of reminding you to drive below the speed limit. It’s also possible that someone was in the mood for cracking up silly jokes.

Regardless of the reason, when a woman (or a sign pretending to be speaking on behalf of a woman) tells you to take it slow — you better do it. This is Texas, mind you. They do things differently there.

The people of Texas are often considered to be a little more conservative than others. By conservative, we mean that they sometimes have a hard time accepting new trends and changing social norms.

Let’s take the Brotox, for example. So men started injecting botox and doing plastic surgery because they want to look younger, something that was supposedly reserved for women up until not very long ago. But, it seems that not everyone in Texas is happy with this new fad.

While dating apps have revolutionized the way we meet our kindred souls or casual flings, it certainly hasn’t changed one thing about parenting. Anyone who’s gone on a blind date before knows that if you’re picking up your date from their house, you had best keep an eye out for dad. And make sure you’re on your best behavior because if ‘daddies little angle’ says one thing to her dearest pappa – it could be the end of the line for you!

As we all know firearm safety is of utmost importance, but sometimes we all need a reminder. If we are to carry weapons around in public there should be a few rules set in place and some formal etiquette to make sure that there are no incidents. This store seems to have taken the obvious and explanatory route while adding a kindly hint of good old-fashioned superiority to boot! If it wasn’t clear enough before, it most certainly is now!

As long as something makes sense for the person involved, then why does it need to make sense to anyone else? In life, there are vegetarians, vegans, and pescatarians. Each one, with their subtle differences, is the basic practice of abstaining from certain types of foods, whether it be for health, ethics, or any other reason. However, have you ever heard of a “secondhand vegetarian.” Well, neither had we, until we came across this (how should we put it), interesting sign.

Drive-thru fast food restaurants are common all throughout the U.S.A. In places such as Pennsylvania, for example, you can even get your booze fix at your local drive-thru beer distributor. Be that as it may, Texas is not to be outdone by anyone, just like with Chick-Fil-A and pretty much everything else American. Is there another state where you can buy both liquor and firearms at the same drive-thru? The answer is no, there isn’t. Texas is simply on another plane.

We apologize on behalf of the restaurant in question for hitting you in the face with this welcome sign. Look, guys, all we needed to know was that your nachos are big. We don’t need a life-size scale. We will find out when we order them off the menu. Anyway, how do you know if your nachos are bigger than any of our body parts? You know that people come in a variety of shapes and sizes, right?